Journey to the Yellow Planet Revisited
I wrote this story over six years ago, and I thought now would be as good a time as any to look over it again. You can read the version without commentary here , or read a condensed version of my consensus here . Journey to the Yellow Planet I dipped my dirty toes into the clear, cool water of the lake. (Maybe too many adjectives, but still...) With so many people living nearby, it was hard to believe that it wasn’t trashed. (Environmental commentary. Interesting.) Suddenly the water turned gray. I heard a “pop” and my friend Xavier appeared beside me. (Jumping right into it...) “Problem, Lucy,” he said in that fake English accent he always used when he was nervous. (One of those character quirks you'll probably never see in reality, yet still seems to bring a character to life.) He was pacing in circles on the now gray grass. “What is it?” I asked. He pointed at the sky. I nearly fainted when I looked up. (Possibly a little melo